Ideas. Lessons Learned, and Occasionally, Opinions
Life is fragile. We truly never know how long we will have on this earth. It is not true that my parents will surely die before me. It is not true that my children will not die before I do. It is not true that good and deserving people will live long lives. It is not true that “til death do us part” means we have unlimited time. Death always comes too soon. It is not logical, and it is never fair when it is someone you love.
Once I comprehend this reality, I have to choose how to respond. I can become a cynical complainer - Life is not fair, it’s too cold outside, the sun doesn’t shine enough (or the sun glares off the snow when it does shine), nobody appreciates what I do, etc. I can become withdrawn and unwilling to invest in life or relationships – after all, everyone I love is going to die anyway so I may as well save myself the hurt by not loving in the first place.
Or I can respond with unconditional investment in life and love. I know that when I do so, I risk everything. There is no love without hurt, no attachment without loss, no life without death, no summer without winter. But the alternative is to die myself. What do I choose?
Bard Lindeman was a nationally syndicated newspaper columnist for years. After his wife died, he wrote the following in his column:
“As a 41-year-old widower, father to three motherless children, I surely knew loneliness and rampant confusion. However, when someone suggested joining a support group, I balked…I was stupid, mistakenly believing in macho self-reliance, for the way back leads through the community, the world around you.
When you’re ready, you need to get up, get out, and get going. Get with people. Find a hobby, take a class at a community college, become a library regular, learn something new, adopt a pet, find a gym and get regular exercise, volunteer to deliver Meals on Wheels, escort a young relative to a baseball game, write letters, plant a tree, subscribe to a newspaper (be informed; your conversation will improve), join a choir, feed the birds, rejoin your veterans association…
You get the idea: Construct an action plan that fits your ‘new life’ and stop trying to reclaim the past. Invent a future.”
It is hard to get the energy and motivation to change your life. It takes time to get comfortable being alone without always being lonely. It takes a certain amount of healing before you can envision a future different than what you had planned before. But those are exactly the things that lead to renewal, happiness, and a life well lived.
Today, decide one thing you can do to invest in a new future. You don’t know how long your life will be;
Financial expertise alone is insufficient to gain and retain clients. Clients expect more. They want you to understand their personal experience, and be equipped to walk them through whatever life throws at them. Can you?
Welcome to our new complimentary podcast series, Clients for Life. Click here to listen to our inaugural interviews. Each of these short interviews features an advisor who completed the Corgenius Master Class on guiding clients through the most difficult transitions of their lives. They describe the skills and best practices they implemented in their firms, both large and small, that are having the most impact on client satisfaction, loyalty, and referrals.
Take a few minutes to listen and pick up some new ideas on how you, too, can more confidently serve clients through the toughest times of their lives. The podcast series is also available here as an RSS Feed and on iTunes via the Podcast app (Search for "Clients for Life").
We’d love to hear what you think of our new series. Please email us with your comments and ideas.
Mid-winter can be a difficult time no matter your life circumstances. The weather is colder, days are darker, and it can seem like life retreats for a while. This is especially true when you enter a new year without a beloved person who died. How do you cope?
Here are ten tips for finding comfort in 2017.
Too much wisdom is lost every day in this country because we devalue our elders. When we highly value them, and take the time to listen and learn from the wealth of their life experience, it can be eye-opening, informative, and quite a delight for the storyteller and listener alike.
My sister and I recently embarked on a project to capture more of my Mom’s life story before it was lost to us. Over a period of several visits we asked her many things - what it was like growing up in a household with six brothers, what stood out about her Mom’s death from cancer at the too-young age of 52, her happiest and most troublesome memories, how people who knew her as a young woman would describe her, and what she hopes people will remember about her after she dies. Together we laughed, cried, and grew closer. We also learned many things we had never known. For example, we were surprised to find out that she’d had two dogs as a teenager, and she was not very fond of Frank Sinatra, even though all of her friends and classmates swooned over him!
In addition to passing on wisdom and life lessons, these stories are important for another reason. As we age, we are increasingly susceptible to the diseases that cause dementia, including Alzheimer’s disease. When people have Alzheimer’s, they lose their short-term memory first. Family members who gather long-term memories build a way to maintain their relationships, because even if their beloved elder can’t remember what she had for lunch, she may well remember that dog or the kind of music she loved in high school.
So, as you meet with clients to close out the year, encourage them to take time over the holiday season with the older generation, asking for their wisdom and life lessons, and gathering their stories and memories. Your clients will often learn things they never knew before, and may deepen their relationship with parents or grandparents. In the process, they may find themselves wiser, more tolerant, and with greater appreciation for those who comprise their heritage.
Of course, if your clients ARE the older generation, encourage the same thing in reverse. Recommend that they write or record their own memories and stories, along with the wisdom, hard-won lessons, and messages they wish to pass on to their families. The compilation could be a welcome gift of lasting value. Regardless of which direction the information flows, it is an exercise your clients will likely never regret. While you’re at it, perhaps you can do it in your family as well. Give the gift of time, curiosity, memory, and wisdom this holiday season. It costs so little, yet it is priceless.
When I was a young widow, there was no such thing as a support group to help me through. There was no such thing as online resources. There were no retreats for widowed people to share their experience. I sometimes thought I recognized the sadness in another person’s face, but I didn’t dare ask if we had a common thread of grief between us. Despite all the well-intentioned people who loved me, I felt alone and lost. I had to figure out this grief thing by myself and find some way to put the pieces back together, heal, and refashion my life.
No widow should grieve alone -- nor do they have to. While there is now a wide variety of places to help widows get counsel, sympathy and share their feelings, one of the most healing is the non-profit organization Soaring Spirits International. Founded by a young widow, Michele Neff-Hernandez, the group offers Camp Widow®, a weekend this program for widowed persons rebuilding their lives, in different parts of the country as well as a variety of other resources. The value this organization offers is inspiring and I am now a member of their Advisory Board and I teach at their events.
If you have a client who is widowed, I encourage you to tell them about Soaring Spirits. Suggest they chat on its forum, get a pen-pal, read the blog posts of other widowed people, find a regional meeting, check out the long list of recommended resources, register for Camp Widow, gain hope, and know that they are not alone.
And there are other ways you can help, too.
You have the financial expertise to help your clients, now raise the bar in other areas by learning how to do more to support a client through difficult life transitions. Serve your clients well through the toughest times of their lives, and you help them as well as your business.
The holidays are over and now you face winter with its longer, darker days. If you have recently lost a loved one, here are some ideas to help you get through and come out on the other side with greater hope and peace.
Mid-winter can be a difficult time no matter your life circumstances. The weather is colder, days are darker, and it can seem like life retreats for a while. This is especially true when you enter a new year without a beloved person who died. How do you cope? Here are ten tips for finding comfort in 2019.