Ideas. Lessons Learned, and Occasionally, Opinions
When I was a young widow, there was no such thing as a support group to help me through. There was no such thing as online resources. There were no retreats for widowed people to share their experience. I sometimes thought I recognized the sadness in another person’s face, but I didn’t dare ask if we had a common thread of grief between us. Despite all the well-intentioned people who loved me, I felt alone and lost. I had to figure out this grief thing by myself and find some way to put the pieces back together, heal, and refashion my life.
No widow should grieve alone -- nor do they have to. While there is now a wide variety of places to help widows get counsel, sympathy and share their feelings, one of the most healing is the non-profit organization Soaring Spirits International. Founded by a young widow, Michele Neff-Hernandez, the group offers Camp Widow®, a weekend this program for widowed persons rebuilding their lives, in different parts of the country as well as a variety of other resources. The value this organization offers is inspiring and I am now a member of their Advisory Board and I teach at their events.
If you have a client who is widowed, I encourage you to tell them about Soaring Spirits. Suggest they chat on its forum, get a pen-pal, read the blog posts of other widowed people, find a regional meeting, check out the long list of recommended resources, register for Camp Widow, gain hope, and know that they are not alone.
And there are other ways you can help, too.
You have the financial expertise to help your clients, now raise the bar in other areas by learning how to do more to support a client through difficult life transitions. Serve your clients well through the toughest times of their lives, and you help them as well as your business.
For future success, it is therefore crucial that financial professionals educate themselves so they understand the grief process and are equipped to communicate with and support widows. Use these five easy starting points to improve your service to widowed women:
These are just a few of the concepts to put into practice so you can serve the ever-growing numbers of widowed women who will cross your path.
We sometimes hear advisors assert that they don’t need training in grief support because their client base skews younger. Nothing could be further from the truth.
First of all, remember that grief is triggered by any break in attachment. In other words, any life transition. So a client or a client’s child will grieve when they go to college, break up with a significant other, don’t make the sports team or get knocked out of a competition earlier than hoped, have a pet die, lose a job or get hired for a new one, get married, move to another part of the country, and so much more. In addition, over 1/3 of college students are within two years of the death of a family member or friend, and just over 30% of college students experience a death each year. This figure has always been partly due to accidents, but is increasing due to the rise in suicide rates and opioid overdoses. It is not just elderly parents or grandparents who die; it is too often classmates, friends, or siblings.
As advisors, ignoring these facts serves no one. Acknowledging and addressing them places you front and center with your clients as the go-to resource for the entire family, not just the parents. So what do you do?
Consider developing a program for teens in your office. Hold a one-hour session on financial literacy periodically and invite the high-school-aged children and grandchildren of all your clients. (Need more than information to attract them? Try pizza. It seems to be the Universal Attractant for teens!) Cover how to set up a budget, the facts about compound interest and how that affects both student loans and savings programs. Talk about accounts to begin putting money aside now, and teach them how to use the Wolfram Alpha Retirement Calculator. The quants in your crowd will especially love it, and best of all, it's an app. What’s not to like?
Then include a brief segment on the grief. Acknowledge the many grief triggers, and the fact that so few people learn how to help themselves or each other get through it. Consider giving them the Corgenius book “A Friend Indeed: Help Those You Love When They Grieve,” telling them to keep it with them so they know what to say and do when a friend is going through a loss or transition. (Of course, it will also help them in their own grief, but it’s easier to put the focus on what is often so important for young people – helping their friends.) Among others, another potential resource is the Young Adult Grief Camps, which are specifically intended for ages 18 -22 and hosted by Actively Moving Forward.
Finally, let the teens know they can always come to you with questions. If the questions or situation is non-financial and out of your sphere of expertise, you will help them get the answers they need.
Following a protocol like this helps build your business for the future, ensures better retention of assets when they pass to the next generation, and builds personal satisfaction as you know you are making a difference in young people’s lives.
Mid-winter can be a difficult time no matter your life circumstances. The weather is colder, days are darker, and it can seem like life retreats for a while. This is especially true when you enter a new year without a beloved person who died. How do you cope?
Here are ten tips for finding comfort in 2017.
The holidays are over and now you face winter with its longer, darker days. If you have recently lost a loved one, here are some ideas to help you get through and come out on the other side with greater hope and peace.
Mid-winter can be a difficult time no matter your life circumstances. The weather is colder, days are darker, and it can seem like life retreats for a while. This is especially true when you enter a new year without a beloved person who died. How do you cope? Here are ten tips for finding comfort in 2019.
National Healthcare Decisions Day kicks off on April 16th with a week of planned events to “inspire, educate and empower the public and providers about the importance of advance care planning.”
As a financial professional, you may find clients turning to you for information, especially as they approach retirement or, more likely, when they face issues with aging parents. In order to guide them wisely, it is essential that you are educated on advance directive documents.
In broad terms, an advance directive is any document that allows a person to state “in advance” how they wish to be treated if they are unable to make those choices themselves. The most common advance directive is a living will. Contrary to what many people think, living wills do not always limit treatment or “pull the plug”; they can also be used to request every medical intervention available.
Also, if someone is conscious, capable of making decisions, and able to sign permission forms, there is no need to consult the living will. Living wills only take effect when a patient is unconscious, demented, or otherwise incapable of making their own decisions.
The living will should be the clearest description possible of the person’s desires. Clients often list their wishes based on various situations, as they may want different treatments when imminently dying of cancer than when in a coma from which recovery is likely.
The advantages of living wills:
Common problems of living wills:
But just because there are a number of valid concerns about living wills doesn't mean that financial advisers should discourage their clients from creating the documents. Instead:
When you educate your clients and prompt them to complete a living will, you ease their fears that someone else will dictate their medical decisions. You keep them in greater control and take a burden off their family members. You help them have valuable discussions with those they love. The resulting peace of mind is invaluable to your clients and consequently good for your business.
When we talk about medical decision-making, especially in the later stages of life, there is a huge disconnect in our society between attitudes and implementation.
In fact, according to the American Journal of Preventive Medicine, only 26% of Americans have living wills or advance directives, even though 86% says it’s important to have their wishes written down.
As a financial professional who cares about your clients’ lives and the impact of healthcare on their finances, make it a part of your practice to recommend advance directives for every client, and offer the following basic information as a guide.
In broad terms, an advance directive is any document that allows a person to state “in advance” how they wish to be treated if they are unable to make those choices themselves. The most common advance directive is a living will. Contrary to what many people think, living wills do not have to limit treatment or “pull the plug”; they can also be used to request every medical intervention available. It is up to your clients to state what they wish.
Also, if someone is conscious, capable of making decisions, and able to sign permission forms, there is no need to consult the living will. Living wills only take effect when a patient is unconscious, demented, in the recovery room after surgery, highly medicated, or otherwise incapable of making their own decisions.
Rather than a cursory document with a couple of boxes checked off, the living will ideally is the clearest description possible of that person’s desires. Clients often list their wishes based on various situations, as they may want different treatments when imminently dying of cancer than when in a coma from which recovery is likely. Because perspectives change with age and state of health, these documents should be revisited at least once a year.
The advantages of living wills:
Common problems of living wills:
Just because there are a number of valid concerns about living wills doesn't mean that financial advisers should discourage their clients from creating the documents. Instead strongly encourage clients to write their desires as clearly and specifically as possible.
Some of these concerns are addressed by another form of living will. Consider giving your clients a form called The Five Wishes. It is available at www.agingwithdignity.org for $5 per copy, or $1 per copy when purchased in quantities of 25. It’s a very inexpensive way to provide real value to clients and their families.
The form includes everything found in a standard living will from the states. It also includes one legally binding part: The appointment of power of attorney for healthcare. Additional directives include comfort measures a person desires in their room (music, lighting, blankets, religious items), messages to leave with loved ones, and wishes for services. It is a more comprehensive form than the states provide, and almost all states accept it in lieu of their standard form. The only exceptions are AL, IN, KS, NH, OR, OH, UT, and TX, which accept it as long as it is attached to that state’s standard form.
In other words, The Five Wishes is a more complete form that addresses several concerns rather than only one, and it is accepted in every state (given the minor restriction in the eight states named.) If you are working with estate planning attorneys in your COI network, inform them of The Five Wishes and of your desire to have all of your clients use that form. Then there is less chance of discrepancies and overlap between your work and theirs. Like all forms of this nature, the latest one that is signed, notarized, and dated supersedes all previous copies, so it is not a problem to complete the more comprehensive form even for clients who completed the state’s standard form already.
Regardless of what form clients choose, schedule a follow-up to ensure they actually do complete a living will/Five Wishes, and that it is properly signed and notarized. Encourage them to distribute copies to their family members and to any person or institution involved in their care, including primary doctors, specialists, nursing home, hospice, rehab center, and hospitals. Offer to keep a copy in the client’s files at your office, in case a family member needs one and cannot locate it.
When you educate your clients and prompt them to complete a living will, you ease their fears that someone else will dictate their medical decisions. You keep them in greater control and take a burden off their family members. The resulting peace of mind is invaluable to your clients and consequently good for your business.